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Woe is me. Oracle is my nemisis.
posted Thursday May 13, 2004 @ 09:58 by bigass Rants

Do you know what nemesis means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by a combination of poor programming, management and sql. Oh read on brother john...

PS: bling bling!

Me: "Hello XXX Support. I need help again with your crappy product."

Support: "What did our shitty product do now?"

Me: "Completely messed up our inventory database and all recent transactions for 6 months"

Support: "No shit."

Me: "Indeed, shitty."

Support: "Let me ask our programming dept? HEY BOB! How does this [inventory database interface] thingy-mer-jigger work!?"

Bob: "Durrrrrgh"

*Literally not making this up:*

Support: "Bob says that you can't do more than a single transaction at a time and that other users can't do anything in the system at the same time."

Me: "That's horseshit. This is a multiuser realtime enterprise inventory/financial platform running on a fully fault tolerant Oracle 9 backend, with enough CPU power to cure aids, solve SETI and find the cure to cancer. Even my freaking commodore 64 can do more than one transaction at a time!"

Support: "Well that is the way the system is designed."

Me: "Interesting. Nobody ever mentioned that in the deployment notes, training, implementation or any of the 200 support calls we have logged."

Support: "Uh."

Me: "If it is designed that way, it should not allow other users to enter transactions if that is going to corrupt the values in the database."

Support: "Uh, well that is the way that it is designed."

Me: "So can you program a fix so that your software does not corrupt our database."

Support: "No, because the software is working as it is designed"

Me: "So your software is designed to corrupt our database. Or in other words, deliberate corruption of our data was a design consideration?"

Support: "Uh.. well we might consider changing the behavior in a new version that coincidentally is coming to market next month."

Me: "Ah, yeah don't worry about it - we won't be considering your software for any future upgrades. Good thing your software is working as it was designed, because it was obviously designed with keeping the support department gainfully employed."

posted by theferg on Thursday May 13, 2004 @ 20:22:

no shit eh? dude, thats rough

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