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Complainilingus Rantus
posted Wednesday May 18, 2005 @ 09:27 by bigass Rants

Let me get my aggravations out before finding myself in a confined space this weekend. Today’s victim is Quiznos…

Every once and again I like to try a different place for lunch when I eat out at work. I went to Quiznos yesterday and had three issues that really stuck in my graw. They keep advertising their real-deal (yea right) sandwiches when they compete with Subway. They never actually say they’re competing with Subway, but yes, we all know they are. They’re in Subway denial, I can picture the CEO in the executive meeting now:
“Johnson! What do you mean Subway figured out a way to toast their sandwiches, didn’t we patent that!? What do you mean we can’t? That’s our whole brand strategy! You’re fired!”

So these real-deal sandwiches are somewhat of a misnomer because you can’t get a combo with them, unless you want soup. And frankly, who eats soup in May? So I get up to the cashier and deal with god damn Punjabi MC himself, who maybe speaks three words of clear English including “hello” and “thank you”. I hand him my bag of chips and ask for a combo. After he spends 5 minutes looking at the register, he gets the manager and the manager says, “No, you can’t get that as a combo unless you want soup”. I tell him I don’t want soup, I want chips and a god damn drink I can suck through a straw like a horses ass! (don’t ask).

Now I look at the menu and point out to him that soup (2.29) and a coke (1.29) is much more expensive to buy separately than chips (.99) and a coke (1.29), so just give me the chips and coke for the combo price (2.00 more), and ring it in as soup. Surely no one would get fired over that? I’d be a happy customer saving a few nickels and they would make much more profit on the combo than if I chose soup. But forget trying to reason with them, apparently there’s some sort of natural fucking law stating that Quiznos rules are obstinate under penalty of death. “They’re not just rules, they’re Quiznos® Rules”. That, and the customer is always wrong.

While eating my not-so-real-deal sandwich, I realize the bread isn’t even toasted, it’s cold in the middle and judging from the sheer volume of sauce, the guy putting the sauce on the sandwich has “the palsy”. Strike two.

Well, at least it’s a nice environment and maybe now that I’ve given in to Don Cherry’s incessant radio badgering, they’ll pull the annoying commercials on my behalf. But NO! Just then, as I’m sitting in Quiznos, having bought a Quiznos sandwich, guess what comes on the station they have playing in the restaurant!? A fucking Don Cherry holler-fest disguised as a Quiznos commercial demanding that I purchase the very product I am consuming at that moment! What do they want me to do, buy another sandwich on the spot? After all this, not bloody likely.

Strike 3. Big time.

posted by Jay on Wednesday May 18, 2005 @ 10:59:

Do your milk shakes have lard in them??

posted by biig [website] on Wednesday May 18, 2005 @ 11:47:

They don't even have milkshakes!

posted by theferg on Wednesday May 18, 2005 @ 21:56:

strike four

posted by wolf on Wednesday May 18, 2005 @ 22:07:

i have quiznos like once every 6 months now. its too expensive also.

posted by R2K on Thursday May 19, 2005 @ 17:24:

do they serve beer.....

strike 5

posted by Dave on Friday June 10, 2005 @ 15:42:

Hmmmmmm... TOASTY!!!

That's why you must buy a $12 regular sub there.

I'm a satisfied customer there, but it requires a lot of $$$ from my small wallet.

For how much I pay, I should receive a free Don Cherry Autograph.

You feel me?

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